Julius Pierpont Patches

For those who didn't grow up in the Seattle region, it's hard to explain just how awesome J. P. Patches was. He was the host of a children's show from 1958 to 1981, and continues to make appearances to this day. Julius Pierpont Patches was the mayor of the city dump, and showed cartoons while engaging in zany skits with the various visitors to his rundown shack: his girlfriend Gertrude; Boris S. Wort, the second meanest man in the world; Ketchikan the Animal Man; Gorst the friendly Ffrrppll; Miss Smith of Miss Smith's Delivery Service; and so many more. Think Krusty the Klown from The Simpsons minus the cynicism. J.P. was played by Chris Wedes. Everyone else was played by Bob Newman. At the height of the show, more than 100,000 children would watch the show every day. When the show went off the air, it had been running for 23 years straight, the longest-running locally produced children's television show ever.

That hardly begins to explain the awesomeness of JP, though. I watched the show religiously in the 1960s and 1970s. JP's crazy antics and off-the-cuff jokes would crack up not only the audience, but the people in the studio, too. Once, during the afternoon show that led into the afternoon news, JP had Gorst go into the news studio and kidnap Sandy Hill, the beautiful blonde newreader just minutes before the news was to begin, carrying her over his shoulder. She was laughing and screaming all at the same time. Another time, JP was looking at a character (played by Bob Newman as usual) who was wearing sleeves so long you couldn't see his hands. JP said "You need to stop chewing your fingernails!" It was a silly comment, but his delivery slayed everyone in the studio. Tons of laughter was coming from off camera. Even Bob was laughing. They had to go to commercial to compose themselves. Speaking of Bob Newman, he was amazing. He played every single character on the show who wasn't JP. So many different characters and so many different voices. It was amazing. As a kid, I didn't even realize they were the same person.

The most amazing thing about the show, though, was that they didn't use a script. 15 minutes before the show aired, Chris and Bob would get together and hash out a few ideas over a cup of coffee. That was it. No script, no rehearsal, no second takes. It worked or it didn't. And it almost always worked.

Chris Wedes wasn't the first J. P. Patches. The show was created by Daryl Laub in Saint Paul, Minnesota in 1954. When he moved to a cross town rival, he left the character behind to play a new clown. A new JP Patches was needed. Chris Wedes was the floor manager and was pressed into service, even though he wasn't an actor. The viewers hated the new JP. But Chris won them over and made it a success. When KIRO, the new CBS affiliate in Seattle started up, they hired Chris to be their floor director. He brought the JP character with him and it was the first show shown on Channel 7 in Seattle. At first, there were two shows Monday through Friday, a morning show and an afternoon show, plus a Saturday morning show. And he was still working as the floor manager at the studio.

One of the clever things JP had was an empty TV set box called the ICU2TV. He would look into the TV with the camera looking back at him from inside. He would then read off a list of approximately 50 Patches Pals who were having birthdays. He would even give them hints about where to look for their presents. I always hoped my name would be read off, and one year he did, telling me to look inside the dryer for my present. JP said Happy Birthday to me on TV! It was the highlight of my young life.

In the 1960s, I would go to school before the morning show was over, and I'd get home just after the afternoon show had started. So I thought the show had been running the whole day. I was so upset thinking about all those hours of JP Patches I wasn't seeing while I was at school. I remember the first time I stayed home from school because I was sick. What were all these other shows? Captain Kangaroo? News? Soap operas? Where's my JP!? It took me a while to recover from the shock.

In the early '70s the afternoon show was cut, and in the late '70s, so was the morning show, leaving only the Saturday show. When that was finally eliminated, Chris Wedes continued to work for several more years in his original capacity as floor director. When he retired from KIRO, it was a big deal. Chris and Bob continued to make appearances for several years. I saw them live twice. The first time was while the show was still going strong. They made an appearance at the old Auburn High School Off-Campus theater. My dad took all us kids to go see the show, and we had a great time. When I was on leave from the Air Force in the 1980s, I was walking around downtown Seattle and ran across them completely by accident. It was an outdoor show near the waterfront, and I saw Bob Newman dressed as Gertrude behind the stage. I shook his hand and told him "I've been watching you and JP my entire life." He laughed and said "Thanks, kid. You're making me feel old."

Chris and Bob are old men now. Bob can't get around like he used to and rarely makes appearances as Gertrude any more. JP is still as energetic as always and still has fun as JP. Last summer, a statue to them was unveiled in Fremont. It's called "Late For The Interurban." The name is a parody of the "Waiting For The Interurban" statue just a block away. It's a loving tribute to two men who still mean a lot to to the people who grew up in the Seattle area in the 1960s and 1970s. The enduring legacy of JP Patches and Gertrude is that if you love what you do, you will make a difference in people's lives.

Lincoln Stax